Sunday, July 15, 2012

New places.

     Two days ago, I made the drive up to Connecticut from North Carolina for my ten week long internship. Honestly, the drive wasn't so bad because I had my husband along for the company and to drive through the crazy parts. We ran into crazy amounts of traffic (hello, sitting in NYC for 2 hours- and Philly, I'm looking at you as well), and overall the drive took us 14.5 hours. Unfortunately my main squeeze had to leave yesterday. Throughout the entire drive to the airport we were chatting and laughing, and I honestly felt okay with things. Once we got to the airport, however, the tears started flowing. I was literally a waterfall. Usually I can tell when these messy cries are coming, but this one hit me like a wall. We have done the long distance deal before throughout college, but never for 10 weeks straight, or with me in a new place (and no friends to keep me company).

I am staying about 25 miles away from where I'll be interning at a house of an employee with the hospital. My house host is wonderful. She's very friendly, talkative, and social. All things that definitely help to break me out of my shell. Saturday we went out to a great dinner at a place right on the CT river. Very beautiful.

Today has been a horse of a different color. Loneliness is starting to set in for sure. I have no friends, husband, or family here to make my days feel more comfortable. I know friends will come with time, but new beginnings are always hard. Today is the day of feeling unsure. I'm asking myself questions like, "Why did I take an internship so far away?", "Did I make the wrong decision?", etc. It's a slippery slope to think that way, I know, but it is tough to not allow yourself to think those things. As many of you know, I am typically very shy when I first meet people. It is hard for me to be myself. It may sound silly, but that's just how I've always been. Because of this, I am worried that things will be awkward, or that I may never get to the point of being 100 percent myself. I told Matt on the way up here that I was planning on trying the "fake it till you make it" tactic. Where I will try not to let my shyness get in the way and pretend I am an outgoing person, and also to force enthusiasm for the weeks to come. I love my career choice, that's the honest truth. I'm just not thrilled to be 600 miles away from home while I do it. I'm desperately hoping that things will get better and easier as time goes by. I have to keep reminding myself that this is just the beginning and that sometimes the beginning can be the hardest part.

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